pinzoner and the blog

the queen of all pin-ups, bettie page, died thursday. as made evident in the magazines all straight men store on their toilet’s tank cover, they just don’t make women like they used to.

show me an ad where woman looks like this and i’ll argue that they edited out the dope she missed on the tip of her nose and the scars from her cosmetic “enhancement.”

calendars and bathing suit companies feature girls who reach their prime before they’re famous and then fall into a violent downward spiral. they go from pretty one week to blonde, pornographic, and obnoxious the next. i call it girl-next-door syndrome.

bettie page started an era that has been destroyed. she was a woman who actually looked like a woman- and the perfect example at that. if evolution manipulated the human race as it did darwin’s finches, then the evolution of women would stop with bettie page.

i mean, she didn’t have the biggest chest, the longest legs, or the flattest stomach, but she was a convincing image of what the ideal woman should look like. note: she is not tan (translation: orange). she cannot be mistaken for a 12 year old holding water balloons from behind (translation: “perky”). last, she cannot be mistaken for anyone else (translation: marketable).

i love bettie page and i want all of hugh hefner’s t4 cells to suffer for what he did to the art of pin-up modeling.